JASON ALDEAN CONCERT!

Me & Aaron on our way to the concert!

I had the best weekend and I didn't want it to end! Friday night Aaron and I went to the Jason Aldean concert! It was a blast! The concert was so great! Luke Bryan was there and he is such a great performer!! He was cracking us up!! Then of course J.Aldean came out and he was awesome! He wasn't much of a performer like Luke Bryan but he was still great! We had pretty good seats for getting the tickets like three weeks early- they were almost sold out! We also had a really fun crowd around us which made it even more fun!

After the concert we went to a hotel that Aaron got for us... :) So sweet... there was a hot tube in the room! It was so cool! We had such a fun night! The rest of the weekend we just hung out- we went to Aaron's moms and played poker and Sunday we got Aaron's hair cut... his grandma is a hair dresser so he's never needed to go to a salon so this was his first time lol...then went to the Hunting Expo and that was pretty good. All in all it was a great weekend.

Thoughts...

Lately I have had so much going on and on my mind...I feel like I have thousands of thoughts going through my head and I can't quiet my head! Its starting to drive me a little crazy so I thought I'd share some and get them out... Maybe that will help. So I have been thinking about my dad and my little sister a lot. I don't feel like I have spent much time with them lately. Sometimes I can only handle small doses of my dad- I hate to say that but sometimes its true. My little sister has been some what of a headache but she's 18 and just being 18 i guess. She'll get in trouble and my dad asks for help and I give it and then i turn around and he dropped all that i said and lets her do what she wants... then time goes on and she does something again and once again my advice and help is solicited but dropped or forgotten about again and then the same thing happens again and now I'm to the point where I don't want to hear about anything! I don't want to hear about Michaela getting in trouble or something my mom did to piss them off and them asking me for help. I just get so involved with it all and i really can't take it anymore. I feel like growing up I was Michaela's mother and now that she's older she only sees me as this nagging person but I really just want to be her big sister. I haven't needed to be that mother for her for about 2 years now and since then we haven't been very close and it seems like I'm just a bother to her and it really doesn't help the situation when my dad brings me in to help discipline her. I'm trying to figure out a way to get across to her that I just want to be the big sister and a friend not the mother anymore. I love her and was so close to her! It sucks to have lost that but i hope to get that restored one day.

I have thought about my mom a lot too. I have always been the one child that's given her the most grief- i never got pregnant and 15 and I never dropped out of high school but I have always pointed out her flawes. For years I have been angry with her and never let anything she ever did that hurt me go. I've gotten over that the last couple years and it feels so much better. A lot of people help me realize that my mother is who she is. She loved me the only way she knew how to love ME and she did the best she could with what she had on her plate. But... until i realized this I called her on the carpet all the time. I was the only one who didn't look the other way when she wanted us to and I was the only one who never kept quiet and now i feel like I've ruined a relationship that one day I could have had. She never calls me unless she desperately needs something. She never invites me over for dinner anymore or to BBQ's and i can't figure out why. Is she doing something there that might piss me off and does she think that if she does I'll point it out and make her face it? I'm tired of keeping track of her life. She's 47 years old- I'm not about to try to change her anymore. The life she lives is all hers and I'm OK with that now but I'm not OK with being excluded. I sometimes wish i could go back and change somethings I did with my relationship with her in the beginning. She is close with all my other sisters. They all get invited to the parties and over to dinner and I really believe its because they didn't piss her off in the way i did. I don't want to regret how i was with her because its something that at the time i really believed in but now i can see that i damaged her and made things worse in the long run. She will never be that real mother figure to me and I'm OK with that, I have some great women in my life that show me motherly love but I would like to be apart of her life in someway. I want to be there and only there not there to throw things in her face anymore.

BeiN SiLLy with JuLiaN

Let me just say that this little kid is a blast and I love being around him. Julian has a smile on his face 99% of the time that I see him and his smile is amazing! We were hanging out and decide to take some silly pics!

So SILLY!

Happy Birthday MOM!

My mom turned 47! haha she doesn't like focusing on that... anyways... we went to Golden Coral for dinner. I don't see or talk to my mom much but it was nice seeing her and have a nice evening with her. I haven't done anything for her for her birthday yet... I think i'll take her out to get some new shoes or an outfit or something like that. We've gotten along much better as I've gotten older. Well Happy Birthday Mom!

My Weekend!

So I had a pretty fun weekend... Lets start from the beginning. FRIDAY: Girls Night!! Friday night I got off work and headed home to pack my bag. Me, Kayli, Cindy and Jann were headed to Logan. We left the house at about 6:30 and headed to Bountiful to pick Jann up... Then we were off to Logan. We stopped in Ogden for some dinner and a movie. We ate at a really good Mexican restaurant, i can't remember the name of it but it was really good.

Out to dinner...

After we saw Extraordinary Measures and that was a really good movie. So it was now like 11:30 and we still needed to get to Logan. It took us an hour to get there from Ogden, the roads were so bad!! It was kinda scary... but we survived. We got to Logan at 12:30 and Cindy and Jann said "We are stopping at Walmart to get PJ's... at 12:30! lol so we did. We all ended up getting matching PJ's. We got that and then headed to our hotel. We got there at 1am... To bed now? Oh no! We got in our PJ's and talked of course! Cindy and Jann talked about the men they have dated and are now dating... and me and Kayli talked about our stupid ex's... Dumb boys breaking cute girls hearts! Well finally at 2 we decided we should go to bed. Cindy and Jann had a conference to attend at 9am! lol silly ladies! So... Me and Kayli slept in til 11:30.

The girls in PINK... as Jann would say... SHOP PINK!!

SATURDAY: We finally got up because Cindy and Jann got back. We got ready and went to lunch at Olive Garden and then... Shopping! lol we went to T.J Maxx and all of us found the cutest stuff! It was a great time and I love every second. For me and Kayli it was so very needed.... I'm sure Cindy and Jann needed it as well. We headed home and me and Kayli discovered that we both get car sick sitting in the back seat. We got home at about 6:45ish and felt awful! We were not having it...It sucked to end such a fun day sick but what can you do. :( Well as for that girls trip... Thank you Ladies!! I can't wait to do this again!

On our way home...Kayli chillin... Cindy & Jann talking... me making silly faces. :)

SUNDAY: I slept in which felt amazing!! Then I got up and went out with my dad and little sister. We got some new shoes and sunglasses...Then I went to Cindy's for an early dinner to meet a guy named Peter. He's a lost boy from Africa that was saved and brought over to the US by the government. He was a very nice guy and it was cool to hear his story. Later that day Me, Kayli, Austin and his brother Weston went down to Temple Square. Weston is leaving on his mission Wednesday and he wanted to see this temple before he left. Austin and Weston are from Ohio so this was all new to him. It was really cool to see him all excited. Me and Kayli had fun running around down there. It was a really good night and very pretty down there. So that's my weekend... It was a lot of fun!

Sushi Night

So... I had a pretty good Saturday for the most part. I went to my friend Ashley's dress fitting (she gets married in May-I'm the maid of honor) :D in Provo, it was fun to see her in the dress she finally decided on! She look great in it! I can't wait to see her on the real day! Then... I went to Kayli's to hang out... then me, her mom and her mom's boyfriend went to see The Book of Eli... Which is a great movie...and I LOVE the music in it!! then... Me and Kayli were off to Salt Lake for some Sushi!! We were meeting some of Kayli's friends at a place called Shogun, it was a fun little place-not the best sushi tho. Kayli and I got there early with a lot of energy so we just hung out for 15 minutes and took pics... Very random pics. It was a lot of fun to just get out and have some fun. I got to meet one of Kayli's good friends from when she was 5... and it didn't go so well. Everyone but me, Kayli and two other people were drunk... wasted actually. So... it really wasn't as much fun as we had planned. We left early before things got to out of hand BUT for the most part it was a good time. Me and Kayli had fun driving down there and jammin out... also hanging out with Cassie, Andrew and Eric. Thanks for the fun night Kay!


Me... hehe :)

Andrew & Cassie-She is a cute girl... I really like her. Her bf is really nice too. They are the cutest couple and have been together for like 6 years!! haha i know it doesn't seem long, but they are only 19 & 20. :)

Kayli-My cute best friend! haha making funny faces... haha she's a blast!!

Thank YOU! I'M READY for 2010

I just really need to get some things out of my head... I have had some things happen over the holiday season that have just made me sick. I feel like I was a completely different person- a person I really don't want to be again. I got through the crap with a big thanks to my family and friends. I really want to thank LeAnne- You have been an amazing strength for me! You haven't ever forgot about me or left me when things sucked. You have been teaching me how to be strong and I really want to thank you for that. I look up to you in more ways than I can count and think very highly of you. You have been there in so many ways- You are truly amazing and a great blessing in my life. Thank you so much for making me see more things about me that I can't see all the time. Thank you for the late night cries and talks :) Thank you to you and Boyce for opening up your home to me when things have been rough and when things are good as well. Your family has always been there and I am so thankful for that. LeAnne- I love you so much! Thank you Cordell for being such a sweet little brother and Julian- Thank you for all your hugs always showing me your amazing smile! I love you both kido's! and Thank you Boyce for being supportive through this. :) I love you all!

Thank you Donna and Dave for allowing me to stay at your house every weekend and most nights for the last month. Last month wasn't what I would have planned but it happened and I just want to say thank you for letting me stay even though things were really tense. I appreciate you very much. I love you both very much!

Thank you Kayli and Cindy for a home... a very caring and welcoming home. You both are amazing women and I look up to you both in many ways. I appreciate all your support through it all.... Thank you for never judging and for always being understanding. Kayli- You have always been an amazing friend and I have no idea what my life would be like without you in it. Thank you so much for all the laughs, love and great times! Your the best hun! Love ya both!


Thank you Christy for being an amazing friend and always watching out for me. You are a very incredible person and I love you dearly. You are a great mom and a hard worker. I also look up to you in many ways. You have never judged me and i appreciate that. You have taught me a lot and I am really thankful to have you as a friend. Thank you for always being up when I am down and for always listening...even late at night.

Well.... as for me- My goal is to have a much higher self esteem and to love myself so i can love someone else. I want to be secure and strong in my self and my decisions. I only want the best for me- I want to live, laugh and have so much fun in my life. I want to be active and really enjoy my life. I want to show love and respect to myself, my family & friends. I am ready to start working on myself and start feeling better! I don't ever want to feel the way I felt the last two months. I plan on being strong and know that this isn't the end- :) So I'm ready for 2010!!